I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
