he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I supernannyed him into submission
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
