I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How does one acquire holy water?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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