You just made me feel so damn special
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
