this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
