I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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