Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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