i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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