I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
