Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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