I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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