after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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