Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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