This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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