Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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