he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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