Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
