I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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