Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize