youre lurking in front of me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
