evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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