just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
