Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
