If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
