I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
