i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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