Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
