OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
