I think my fart just growled at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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