I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
