i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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