Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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