could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
