Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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