Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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