your room smells of hookers.
And success
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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