You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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