I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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