I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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