i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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