I wish my penis had an off switch
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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