i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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