I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
