And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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