Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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