Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
