..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
