College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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