So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
