my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
