Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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