Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You've changed since you got that strap on
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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