You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
