I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The air taste purple.
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