She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
