No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
