The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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