Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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