I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I know her cup size but not her name....
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