Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
