She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
