He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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