and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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