fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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