Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we're making bets on your personal life
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
