I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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